Column: Attention shoppers, get it together

07/21/2013 7:00 AM |

PETER WALDNER CARTOON

Of all the topics I’ve covered in this space, some serious, others not so much, I think I received the most reader responses from a 2011 column about bad drivers.

Michael White, editor

MICHAEL WHITE

I started the column with an apology, calling it lazy and cliché, in so many words. I was surprised with all the phone calls and emails I received in return. I guess vehicle traffic is like weather, everyone’s got to deal with it.

So with that in mind, I’ll make no apologies here, in this column about my pet peeves involving aggressive or absent-minded shoppers. Unlike in the driving column, I’ll refrain from calling these people idiots or worse. I mean, they can’t kill anyone, right? But their antics can be entertaining in print.

So here’s another Top 5 list, some light summer reading we could all relate to, one way or another.

The threshold stopper

Buddha preached about trying to view the world with childlike wonder. While that may be good spiritual advice, it doesn’t mean you have to enter every aisle or section of a store with mouth agape, stopping dead in your tracks to take in all the sights and sounds like a 7-year-old staring up at a lit Ferris wheel after dark. Step aside, threshold stopper, because people are falling into each other like dominoes behind you as you weigh the pros and cons of going left, right, straight or forward.

The runaway train

As with our networks of rivers and roadways, stores have main arteries and smaller tributaries. Know when you’re in a tributary. I was in a packed Costco recently when someone pushing a cart barreled eastbound out of the snack aisle into north-south traffic without slowing or looking left or right. If I hadn’t dodged her I would’ve ended up in a TV screen.

The camper

I love spending an extra three minutes in CVS while you organize all the receipts, gum, mints, funeral cards and Canadian nickels scattered around in your bag. You’ve already paid, so why take care of all your bookkeeping as you camp out in front of the cashier? At least shift on down and do business in front of an empty cash register. The cashier camper is a close cousin to the parking lot camper, the person who gets into his or her parked car and fumbles around endlessly, paying no mind to that person waiting not-so-patiently for the spot.

The sweethearts

No one’s less aware of people around them in a store than a husband and wife shopping together. Especially if they’re fighting, then they’ll argue as if they’re in the comfort of their own living room. So of course they’re some of the worst offenders when it comes to blocking traffic. Sometimes this involves abandoning carts in the middle of an aisle, but often it’s a husband standing next to the couple’s cart and taking up space while the wife browses. Sir, you have to sense someone’s trying to pass. Get in front of your cart and out of the way.

The unapologetic

People bump into each other in crowded stores, sure, but some missteps require a quick, “I’m sorry,” or at least a smile and a little wave or bow. Any form of acknowledgement that you just plowed your cart into the back of someone’s legs or elbowed another shopper in the head while reaching to grab something from an upper shelf. Nothing is more awkward then expecting a quick apology and having someone stare right through you.

*****

I started writing a top 10 list but the column was running a bit long. Feel free to drop me a line about your own pet peeves while out shopping and maybe I’ll get enough interesting items to compile another short list. I tried to avoid obvious complaints, like people cutting cashier lines or talking loudly on their phones while trying to pay for items. We all know those people are the worst.

mwhite@timesreview.com

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