Jamesport psychologist Neil Fenton leaves behind a legacy of kindness

Despite dealing with severe vision loss in both of his eyes and other health issues, Jamesport resident Neil Fenton insisted on seeing his closest family and friends at his 83rd birthday party in June.

Eileen Fenton, married to Mr. Fenton for 57 years, said that his persistence to have a birthday party was such that while in the hospital with declining health, Mr. Fenton would check in with her regularly for updates on planning the celebration. When the day finally came, which turned out to be one week before his death, there were over 60 party-goers dancing to Irish music at the bash. Ms. Fenton said he loved to socialize and be around others.

“He had a great time. They brought him out in a wheelchair,” Ms. Fenton said. “He was good and he was talking to everyone.”

Cornelius James Fenton, a psychologist, dedicated his life to helping Long Islanders struggling with mental health and addiction. Mr. Fenton died July 1 at his Jamesport home. He is survived by his wife Eileen Mary; daughters Kelly Sadowsky of Rutherford N.J. and Kate Fenton Charpentier of Queens; and two grandchildren, Adeline and Malone.

In 2020, a stroke in his right eye due to hemochromatosis caused the initial vision loss according to Ms. Fenton. The disorder causes extra iron to build up in the body to harmful levels and without treatment, can cause iron overload and damage many parts of the body, according to the National Institute of Health.

Two years later, Mr. Fenton started losing sight in his left eye as well, due to the same disorder. However, doctors caught it quickly enough to preserve some sight in that eye.  

Eight weeks ago a biopsy on an abnormal lymph node tested positive. Mr. Fenton had cancer.

“It was just quick moving and five weeks later he passed,” Ms. Fenton said.

His family received visitors at Tuthill-Mangano Funeral home in Riverhead July 7. A celebration of life was held on July 8 at St. Isidore R.C. Church in Riverhead.

Aside from helping community members through his work as a psychologist, Mr. Fenton was heavily involved in the community. He was a former district governor for Rotary International and past president of Riverhead Rotary and also spearheaded Hallockville Inc., which worked to preserve land and the historic farm houses that still sit on Sound Ave. at Hallockville Museum Farm in Riverhead.

According to his daughter, in fatherhood Mr. Fenton made sure to expose his children to many experiences and taught them to be kind to everyone.

“He always wanted to expose us to all types of people, all walks of life and expose us to whatever experiences he could give us, both positive and negative,” Ms. Sadowsky said. “We really had no exact understanding [of his impact on the community] until he was on his deathbed for the last 12 days of his life, when people were just flooding here to visit him and pay their respects and thank him.”

Mr. Fenton’s personality, humor and magnetism shone through, even in the midst of devastating disease, Ms. Fenton Charpentier said in the speech she gave at her father’s celebration of life.

“You saw the humor and beauty in this world even when you lost your eyesight,” she said. “We laughed together while the hospital walls closed in. You were talking about The Pogues to the hospital staff, while being transported to the beach house from [Memorial] Sloan Kettering hospital! You requested to listen to Genesis and asked to stop at Briermere Farm to buy a cream pie. The EMT worker texted me saying ‘your father is obviously not an ordinary man!!”

Mr. Fenton’s friend Father Peter Garry of St. Patrick parish in Southold said Mr. Fenton “gave a lot of people hope.”

“I mean, I think of myself as outgoing but his style put me to shame,” he said. “He was outgoing to everybody, that’s for sure.”

His natural charisma made him a coveted speaker and lecturer. Mr. Fenton held stress management seminars for anyone struggling with their mental health.

Mr. Fenton graduated from Holy Cross High School in Flushing. He then earned a degree in psychology from St. Michael’s College in Vermont and later a masters degree from Seton Hall University in New Jersey. 

He worked as a counselor and therapist in New Jersey, Staten Island, the Riverhead Correctional Facility and for 38 years at the Suffolk County Mental Health Department.

As a psychologist, he led the Bureau of Training and Education, creating a model training program for New York state. Mr. Fenton also helped organize mental health crisis teams for first responders to the 1996 TWA Flight 800 crash site and the 2001 World Trade Center attacks. 

After retiring in 2007, he continued giving back to the community, helping those struggling with addiction, many of whom were in Alcoholics Anonymous, like Mr. Fenton.

Some of the men Mr. Fenton sponsored in AA remain in touch with the family and were there in his final days. “They were really good to me,” Ms. Fenton said.

“He came home. He was in hospice for like 12 days here and these guys would call and say can I visit, can I come,” she said. “[They would come] in all these motorcycles and tattoos and the do-rags and they’d come and sit by his bed in the living room and they would just cry and just tell stories about how good he was to them.”

Mr. Fenton’s family knows his legacy of kindness will continue to live on.

“I would say that his legacy is immeasurable because it just continues on even though he passed away,” Ms. Fenton Charpentier said.